Top Ten Things to make you the most hated person on a flight!

Want to amuse yourself on a long trip and gain complete and utter hatred from your fellow passengers? We have complied this list just for you then! Please note, if you are travelling with someone when you attempt to complete this list, they may never speak to you again.

10) Ask the pilot to turn the engines off, as you “can’t sleep with them on”

9) When everyone starts to go to sleep, put on a very serious movie and start laughing as loud as possible, then look at all the death stares you get!

8) Whenever the plane encounters any turbulence, lay in the foetus position in the middle of the aisle, suck your thumb and shout “We’re all doomed! Doomed I say! Dooooomed!”

7) Complain that the ‘fasten seatbelt’ indicator looks sexually explicit and refuse to do it up until they replace it with something more appropriate and family friendly.

Warning, seatbelt signs may be offensive, please ignore them.

6) Whenever the drinks tray comes around ask for a ‘vodka martini, shaken not stirred’ in your best Sean Connery voice, once the attendant has prepared it inform them that you didn’t really want it, but just like saying it.

5) Halfway through the flight sneak up into the business class section. If any of the business passengers have vacated their seats to go the toilet take their seat. Upon their return proclaim “finders keepers!”

"Well I can't see your name on it!"

4) 5 minutes after take off inform the attendant that you have left your favourite lucky t-shirt at home and that you are going to have to turn the plane around and go back, if the attendant refuses – point out the window of the plane and say “but that’s my house there, it’s practically on the way”.

3) Once the person next to you is asleep, put your hand to your ear and raise your other shirt cuff to your mouth, then say (loudly enough to wake the person next to you up), “Roger that Skyhawk one, I’m currently next to the suspect, so far I haven’t been able to see the package, but I’m pretty sure he’s got it on him – tell team 2 we’ll need to pick him up at the airport”. Watch him very nervously depart the plane at the end of the trip.

2) Stand up on your seat and ask the rest of the passengers if they have seen your pet snake, as you were sure you put him in your carry on, but now he has disappeared. Reassure the screaming passengers by saying “It’s okay, he’s not THAT venomous…”

1) Suddenly realise that the person next to you is actually George Clooney, do not let them deny it. Spend the rest of the trip asking about their career and giving your opinons on their movies. P.S. This works even better if the person looks nothing like George Clooney or, even better, is female!

Oh my god! It's George Clooney! I loved you in Oceans 11!